with little or with lots

My roommate of almost 3 years came home one day and said she would be moving out. She had accepted a job in Dallas and while I was excited for her, I selfishly resented the news a little too. Not because she did not give me plenty of notice or anything. It was simply due to the fact that I would now have to face another dreaded season of change.

Begrudgingly, I began to pray about what I should do. Should I stay where I'm at and get another roommate? Should I look for a cheaper option somewhere else? How would I move my things? What would it be like to re-learn how to live with someone? The decisions to make and the changes to come seemed overwhelming.

Fast-forward.

I have just fully moved in to a house 20-minutes outside of Fort Worth. I am sitting on my new patio, overlooking my backyard and watching my neighbors cow and snow-white goats graze in the field. I had finished unloading everything around 10pm the night before and as I pulled onto my street, two deer ran out in front of me. As I slammed on my breaks, I started laughing joyfully at the sight of them one minute and then crying the next as I watched them trot through the neighborhood. After the past three years of striving to love life in the city, the unfamiliar street whispered "home" in a way no place in Texas really has yet.

The place I lived before moving here was an incredible home. It was located six minutes from where I worked, had a beautiful and safe neighborhood, and was surprisingly affordable. But I couldn't see the stars, the only birds that ventured into our yard were crows, and the only sounds were the racing cars across the highway. While I strived to be grateful for the home, there were many days where visions of fields and mountains and animals just made me so homesick I couldn't stand it. Yet, while I sourly embraced the change of losing my roommate, God planned out a house that could be my home away from home in a state that had always left me feeling unfamiliar and out of place. As I have enjoyed these past few weeks in my new home, I have just sat back reflecting on how sweet God is, to know and see my heart and provide for even my seemingly insignificant desires of wanting to be surrounded by nature again. It reminded me that God does not just see us, he knows us and cares deeply and intimately for us.

But as I write this, I think of the past three years and the moments where I couldn't always say that. The moments where my desires were not met, where loneliness was the dominant emotion in my heart, and where frustration clouded my view of the goodness of God. I think Paul paints a perfect picture of both of these moments in life. In ? 12-13 he writes, "I know both how to make do with little and how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances, I have learned the secret of being content. Whether well fed or hungry, wether in abundance or in need, I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me."

I can say, like Paul, that I have learned how to make do with little over the past few years. In moments where I thought I would be crushed by the weight of loneliness, God was the one there to mend my heart every time. But I had to make the choice to let him in. Paul says the secret to contentment is Christ and we know by numerous references throughout the Bible that Jesus never leaves us. He may feel far away or out of reach and your problems or desires may be taking up all of your brain space, but crying to him, taking your desires to him is the answer. It may not give you the solution you want right away, but you will somehow keep going and you will somehow have joy. And when your desires are finally met or the loneliness finally ends, the blessings God gives you will be so much sweeter and you will then find that you have to learn how to make do with a lot.

So today, if you sit in your room all alone saying, "I am not able," let this be your reminder to grab onto Christ's strength. He didn't say you have to be able. He just says, "I am here," and that is really all that we need.

And today, if you are crying tears of joy, overwhelmed by His goodness, don't forget to still find time to sit with Him and be thankful. Because it is still His strength that gives us this joy, and I hope we never get over how beautiful that is.